Eighteen: The Milestone, the Questions and the Future
For every parent its a day of happiness and joy. But apart from all these happy feelings are there any other thoughts that quitely join the celebration and sit back in a quite corner; a little bit of worry and anxiety, a thought that is your child ready for the world and what the future holds for him?
Is an 18th birthday different for a special needs parent than a neurotypical parent, or do they also have worries that tag along? I guess they do, but the pernitent questions they worry about are very different than that of the special needs parent. I dont worry about the college she will go to, the exams she has to qualify or career and relationship decisions she has to take.
I think about the very basic question of what it means to be an adult for her. I worry if she will be able to go out in the world and just be involved in something productive, that would give a direction and engagement to her. I think about if she will be able to find her friends, her tribe out in the world and experience relationships, love and friendship like her peers. I get the bittersweet feeling of preparing for her 18th birthday party alongside of paperwork and court dates for her legal gaurdianship.
There is this gradual realization that the life that is described in the words - "an autistic child grows into an autistic adult", is closer now, and are we ready for that life? Did I do enough to help pave an easier path to her adulthood.
I guess being a parent comes with being worried, just that the set of questions you ask yourself change when you are a autism parent. Probably I should just take solace in the thought, that even though i know I did not do everything in my power to make her as independent as i could, I must have done a few things right, to help her shape into a person who is happy with her life, enjoy the small joys and can sing her way out of the noise around. Or maybe I should not take the entire credit for that too. That is who she is 😊
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